Just some thoughts: You have to unclench the fists full of the thing you're clinging to if you ever hope to have two open hands to receive what you truly want, what you deserve.
You've been grasping at it for so long, thinking it's easier to wait for the thing that's close enough to change into the thing you long for - waiting for yourself to change too, to settle, that you've missed out on the enjoyment of the thing that it actually is and all the things you could have had if your hands had been free.
It's time to open them. Clinging causes damage, not just to the thing you want, but to your very own hands. You've held on far longer than you should have. Give everything a break already and let go. I promise there's no free-falling. Just you realizing that the ground was always just a couple of feet beneath you the whole time.